Gagicile si tipii de pe tumblr / Chicks and the tumblr guys

[Note: you can see this post in English if you scroll down.]
Romana:

   Deci, dragii mei cititori... Dupa niste randomeala cu domnu' Parascan pe Facebook, mi-am dat seama ca e musai sa fac un post despre muieri si despre cum isi distrug ele viata pe tumblr, din proprie initiativa, lucru care implica multa, foarte multe prostie din partea lor. 

   Cum sta treaba: iei o gagica cu probleme psihice, mai mici sau mai mari, din diverse motive, din aia care are probleme cu comunicarea, fantezii sexuale foarte ciudate, si pline de kinkiness si cacaturi, in conditiile in care aia n-o avut o pula in pizda de mai mult de 3 ori de-a lungul vietii. In alte cuvinte, cu probleme mari si in alte domenii, nu numai cand vine vorba despre instabilitate psihica. Si ce probleme mai are tipa? Se trezeste cu crushuri random pe poze si personaje jucate in filme random. Genu' de chestie de obsedat pentru chestiile obsedate de la chestii obsedate. Dar hai sa le spunem totusi oameni. Asa, si iei gagica aia, si-i dai o poza de pe tumblr. Cu un gagiu cu o varsta de x, haircut facut nu stiu prin ce saloane ca sa fie appealing, doi trei muschi, sau nu, nu-i nimic obligatoriu, si musai filtru alb negru si un look din ala de "te-as fute in clipa asta da tocmai mi-am dat drumu' in chiloti din cauza ca am disfunctii sexuale grave". Si tipa e OMG WTFFFFF DOAMNE MOOOOOR ACILEA OMMGGGG si se duce pe facebook la proastele ei care fac si alea OOMMMMGGG MOOOOOR CE MISTO E <3333333 si dupa vezi poza aluia cu haremu lui de distruse proaste care nu realizeaza ca 80% din tipii pe care-i stiu, cu filtru alb negru, hairstyle misto si privirea de care spuneam mai sus ar arata probabil mai bine decat poponaru' pe care l-au gasit acolo.

Da, dragii mei cititori de sex masculin, asa este. Daca ai un look above average, n-ai pus slanina ca un buhai, si esti in stare sa indeplinesti cerintele de mai sus, te poti pune pe tumblr ca sa se masturbeze tipele cu gandu' la tine. Normal ca n-o sa te ajute cu nimic inafara de asta, pentru ca daca te vad face to face nu mai esti de pe tumblr, nu mai esti alb negru, deci no more horny shit. Sau poate da, daca o apuca vreo clipa de normalitate. Depinde de cat de damaged e tipa. Poate o sa poti pune poza cu tine pe tumblr, ele sa fie OMG OMG OMG LOL CE HOT E CE L-AS FUTE OMG, si sa fie planificat de dinainte ca ele sa nu te cunoasca in persoana da sa fie la cativa km de tine, pac pac, si sa faci cumva ca ele sa ajunga la linku cu tine de pe tumblr. Si atunci vin cu armata de muieri proaste si-s OMGGGGG <33333 si apari tu de nicaieri: " Ke fake papushele? ;) ;) ;) " si le spui ca tu esti zeul lor de pe tumblr, la care se uita de fiecare data cand isi baga mana unde nu trebuie si ca existi cu adevarat si esti la 3 km de ele. Si daca ai noroc o sa vina la tine si-o sa-ti suga pula indata ce te vad. Speram ca asa o sa fie. DECI, CE MAI ASTEPTATI? LA UPLOADAT POZE PE TUMBLR!

   Acum, sa facem niste lucruri clare: tipele care n-au ras macar oleaca, sau n-au schitat macar un zambet sunt tipe care se regasesc in spusele de mai sus. Acum probabil se enerveaza si sunt frustrate ca am spus asta, dar o sa le treaca indata ce o sa uploadez pe tumblr poza cu mine topless.

   Si, pentru final, va voi incanta cu o melodie absolut geniala, care reflecta prostia unelor femei din zilele noastre. Pentru aceasta capodopera tin sa-i multumesc tot lui Parascan, care imi bucura urechile cu cate o piesa de genu' la intervale regulate. Deci, destula vorbarie si haideti sa ascultam:

English: 

   So, my dear readers... After some randoming with mr. Parascan on Facebook, I realized that it is a must to make a post about women and how they ruin their lives on tumblr, on own initiative, thing which involves a ton, a shit ton of stupidity, from them.

   How it goes: you take one chick with mental problems, smaller or bigger, from random reasons, the type with communication issues, with very odd sexual fantasies and full of kinky shit and stuff, as long as they actually haven't had a dick in their cunt for more than 3 times in their whole life. In other words, with big problems in other fields too, not only mental disorders. And what other problems does she have? Random crushes on random pictures of random guys and random movie characters from random movies. That type of shit made by obsessed people for obsessed people. Kay, so, you take the chick, and give her a tumblr pic. With an x aged guy, with some fancy haircut made in fancy hair salons, so it looks appealing, a couple of muscles, or not, and TWO FUCKING MUSTS, a black and white color filter and that "I'd fuck you right now but I just came in my pants because I have severe sexual disfunctions" look. And the chick is like OOOMMMMGGGG WTFFFFF GOOOOOOOOD I'M DYING HEEEREE and goes to facebook to her cunts that also go all OMGGG OMMMGGG I'M DYING HE'S SO COOOOOL <3333333333 and then you see the guy's pic with his dumb cunts harem that don't realize that 80% of the guys they know, with a black and white filter, cool hairstyle, and the type of stare I mentioned earlier, would probably look better than the fag they got there.

   Yes, my dear male readers, it's true. If you have an above average look, don't have a pig's body and you're pretty much able to fulfill the requirements mentioned earlier, you can upload yourself on tumblr so that chicks go shlick shlick while looking at you. Of course it won't help you with anything else, because if they see you in real life, you're not longer black and white, so no more horny shit. OR, maybe yes, if she has some normality left in there. Depends on how damaged she is. Maybe you'll be able to put a pic there, for them to go OOOOMGGG OMGGG HE'S SO HOT I'D SO BANG HIM OMMGGGG, if you have everything planned: They must not know you in real life, but they should be only a few miles away from you, and you should make it such way for them to get to your tumblr link. And then they'll get their stupid whore army and all go OMG <3333333. All you have to do next is go "ey ola gurl wan sum fuck?" and tell them that you're their tumblr god, to which they stare everytime they put their hands in forbidden places and that you really exist and are 2 miles away from them. And if you're a lucky guy, they'll come to you and suck your cock as soon as they see you. We'll hope it's going to turn out like this. SO? WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? LET'S UPLOAD PICS ON TUMBLR!

   Now, let's make some stuff clear: the chicks who didn't laugh at least a little, or didn't at least sketch a smile, are chicks who find themselves in what I said earlier. Now they're probably going mad and frustrated because I said so, but it's chill, it's gonna pass as soon as I upload my topless pics on tumblr.

   And, in the end, I'll bless your ears with a brilliant song, which perfectly illustrates the stupidity some girls have nowadays. For this masterpiece, I would like to thank Parascan again, guy who pleases my ears with a song like this regularly. So, enough blabbering, let's listen to the song. [now scroll back up]

Anunt / Announcement

Romana:
In primul rand, vreau sa spun ca m-am gandit sa fac blogul bilingv, ca de ce pula mea nu, daca tot am cititori din toate tarile lumii ca-s boss si ma promovez, si daca Engleza e cea mai utilizata limba and all that. + Ca-mi mai pun la punct limbajul si gramatica si alte treburi. Poate mai incolo o sa fac loc si germanei, si poate finlandezei, da' mai am mult de invatat pana sa ajung acolo.
Si acu' despre linkul de mai jos. O melodie absolut geniala de folk metal. E pusa pe repeat on and on. Oamenii inca sunt cat de cat necunoscuti, desi sunt din ce in ce mai cunoscuti, din cauza oamenilor ca mine care vor sa sharuiasca ce e misto. Cam atat am de spus. Si ati mai putea vedea si alte melodii de la ei, toate sunt worth it, in opinia mea.

English: 
First of all, I wanna say that I thought to make this blog bilingual, because why the fuck not, if I have readers from all the countries in the world,  'cos I'm a boss and I promote myself, [Slight irony here, my Romanian readers got it instantly, most likely] and if English is the most used language and all that. + I'm working on my parlance and grammar and other stuff. Maybe later on, I'll leave some room to German, and maybe to Finnish, but I have a lot to study 'till I get there.
And now about the link above. It's an absolutely brilliant folk metal song. It's on repeat on and on. They are still pretty much unknown, although they are getting more and more well known because of people like me who want to share what's awesome. That's pretty much all I have to say. And you could check some other songs by them, they're all worth it in my opinion.

Cum vad eu economia

Deci tara se duce pe pula. Stim asta cu totii. Vedem cum se maresc preturile, cum nu mai sunt bani, cum dam vina pe criza economica pentru situatia noastra din ce in ce mai de cacat. Si nu e intr-atat vina conducerii pe cat e a populatiei.

Astfel, daca vrem sa cumparam niste fructe dam bani pe la sud americani si turci.

De lanturile astea de magazine nu mai zic. Banuiesc ca sunteti toti constienti de faptul ca Lidl, Carrefour, Billa si toate astea nu-s ale tarii. Si mai au produse proprii facute prin pula pe care le cumpara romanu. Deci din nou, alte tari.

Faci un imprumut in banca, se duc banii la elvetieni si stiu eu ce dracu.

Iei o masina, dai banii la nemti.

Iei benzina pentru ea, se duc banii la arabi.

Daca dam banii pe pcuri si alte rahaturi IT, se duc mostly la americani.

Daca dam banii pe cacaturi inutile se duc banii la chineji.

Singura solutie ca sa pastram banii in tara e sa ne luam cat mai multa bere, mici, mustar si curve, care inca sunt productie proprie.

Si aici o imagine random, da' geniala.