luni, 5 martie 2012

Gagicile si tipii de pe tumblr / Chicks and the tumblr guys

[Note: you can see this post in English if you scroll down.]
Romana:

   Deci, dragii mei cititori... Dupa niste randomeala cu domnu' Parascan pe Facebook, mi-am dat seama ca e musai sa fac un post despre muieri si despre cum isi distrug ele viata pe tumblr, din proprie initiativa, lucru care implica multa, foarte multe prostie din partea lor. 

   Cum sta treaba: iei o gagica cu probleme psihice, mai mici sau mai mari, din diverse motive, din aia care are probleme cu comunicarea, fantezii sexuale foarte ciudate, si pline de kinkiness si cacaturi, in conditiile in care aia n-o avut o pula in pizda de mai mult de 3 ori de-a lungul vietii. In alte cuvinte, cu probleme mari si in alte domenii, nu numai cand vine vorba despre instabilitate psihica. Si ce probleme mai are tipa? Se trezeste cu crushuri random pe poze si personaje jucate in filme random. Genu' de chestie de obsedat pentru chestiile obsedate de la chestii obsedate. Dar hai sa le spunem totusi oameni. Asa, si iei gagica aia, si-i dai o poza de pe tumblr. Cu un gagiu cu o varsta de x, haircut facut nu stiu prin ce saloane ca sa fie appealing, doi trei muschi, sau nu, nu-i nimic obligatoriu, si musai filtru alb negru si un look din ala de "te-as fute in clipa asta da tocmai mi-am dat drumu' in chiloti din cauza ca am disfunctii sexuale grave". Si tipa e OMG WTFFFFF DOAMNE MOOOOOR ACILEA OMMGGGG si se duce pe facebook la proastele ei care fac si alea OOMMMMGGG MOOOOOR CE MISTO E <3333333 si dupa vezi poza aluia cu haremu lui de distruse proaste care nu realizeaza ca 80% din tipii pe care-i stiu, cu filtru alb negru, hairstyle misto si privirea de care spuneam mai sus ar arata probabil mai bine decat poponaru' pe care l-au gasit acolo.

Da, dragii mei cititori de sex masculin, asa este. Daca ai un look above average, n-ai pus slanina ca un buhai, si esti in stare sa indeplinesti cerintele de mai sus, te poti pune pe tumblr ca sa se masturbeze tipele cu gandu' la tine. Normal ca n-o sa te ajute cu nimic inafara de asta, pentru ca daca te vad face to face nu mai esti de pe tumblr, nu mai esti alb negru, deci no more horny shit. Sau poate da, daca o apuca vreo clipa de normalitate. Depinde de cat de damaged e tipa. Poate o sa poti pune poza cu tine pe tumblr, ele sa fie OMG OMG OMG LOL CE HOT E CE L-AS FUTE OMG, si sa fie planificat de dinainte ca ele sa nu te cunoasca in persoana da sa fie la cativa km de tine, pac pac, si sa faci cumva ca ele sa ajunga la linku cu tine de pe tumblr. Si atunci vin cu armata de muieri proaste si-s OMGGGGG <33333 si apari tu de nicaieri: " Ke fake papushele? ;) ;) ;) " si le spui ca tu esti zeul lor de pe tumblr, la care se uita de fiecare data cand isi baga mana unde nu trebuie si ca existi cu adevarat si esti la 3 km de ele. Si daca ai noroc o sa vina la tine si-o sa-ti suga pula indata ce te vad. Speram ca asa o sa fie. DECI, CE MAI ASTEPTATI? LA UPLOADAT POZE PE TUMBLR!

   Acum, sa facem niste lucruri clare: tipele care n-au ras macar oleaca, sau n-au schitat macar un zambet sunt tipe care se regasesc in spusele de mai sus. Acum probabil se enerveaza si sunt frustrate ca am spus asta, dar o sa le treaca indata ce o sa uploadez pe tumblr poza cu mine topless.

   Si, pentru final, va voi incanta cu o melodie absolut geniala, care reflecta prostia unelor femei din zilele noastre. Pentru aceasta capodopera tin sa-i multumesc tot lui Parascan, care imi bucura urechile cu cate o piesa de genu' la intervale regulate. Deci, destula vorbarie si haideti sa ascultam:


English: 

   So, my dear readers... After some randoming with mr. Parascan on Facebook, I realized that it is a must to make a post about women and how they ruin their lives on tumblr, on own initiative, thing which involves a ton, a shit ton of stupidity, from them.

   How it goes: you take one chick with mental problems, smaller or bigger, from random reasons, the type with communication issues, with very odd sexual fantasies and full of kinky shit and stuff, as long as they actually haven't had a dick in their cunt for more than 3 times in their whole life. In other words, with big problems in other fields too, not only mental disorders. And what other problems does she have? Random crushes on random pictures of random guys and random movie characters from random movies. That type of shit made by obsessed people for obsessed people. Kay, so, you take the chick, and give her a tumblr pic. With an x aged guy, with some fancy haircut made in fancy hair salons, so it looks appealing, a couple of muscles, or not, and TWO FUCKING MUSTS, a black and white color filter and that "I'd fuck you right now but I just came in my pants because I have severe sexual disfunctions" look. And the chick is like OOOMMMMGGGG WTFFFFF GOOOOOOOOD I'M DYING HEEEREE and goes to facebook to her cunts that also go all OMGGG OMMMGGG I'M DYING HE'S SO COOOOOL <3333333333 and then you see the guy's pic with his dumb cunts harem that don't realize that 80% of the guys they know, with a black and white filter, cool hairstyle, and the type of stare I mentioned earlier, would probably look better than the fag they got there.

   Yes, my dear male readers, it's true. If you have an above average look, don't have a pig's body and you're pretty much able to fulfill the requirements mentioned earlier, you can upload yourself on tumblr so that chicks go shlick shlick while looking at you. Of course it won't help you with anything else, because if they see you in real life, you're not longer black and white, so no more horny shit. OR, maybe yes, if she has some normality left in there. Depends on how damaged she is. Maybe you'll be able to put a pic there, for them to go OOOOMGGG OMGGG HE'S SO HOT I'D SO BANG HIM OMMGGGG, if you have everything planned: They must not know you in real life, but they should be only a few miles away from you, and you should make it such way for them to get to your tumblr link. And then they'll get their stupid whore army and all go OMG <3333333. All you have to do next is go "ey ola gurl wan sum fuck?" and tell them that you're their tumblr god, to which they stare everytime they put their hands in forbidden places and that you really exist and are 2 miles away from them. And if you're a lucky guy, they'll come to you and suck your cock as soon as they see you. We'll hope it's going to turn out like this. SO? WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? LET'S UPLOAD PICS ON TUMBLR!

   Now, let's make some stuff clear: the chicks who didn't laugh at least a little, or didn't at least sketch a smile, are chicks who find themselves in what I said earlier. Now they're probably going mad and frustrated because I said so, but it's chill, it's gonna pass as soon as I upload my topless pics on tumblr.

   And, in the end, I'll bless your ears with a brilliant song, which perfectly illustrates the stupidity some girls have nowadays. For this masterpiece, I would like to thank Parascan again, guy who pleases my ears with a song like this regularly. So, enough blabbering, let's listen to the song. [now scroll back up]

18 comentarii:

  1. bai, mi-a placut, so pizda articolu, dar
    >kinkyness
    >thing which involves = thing that involves
    >a ton, a shit ton, of stupidity from them. - misplaced commas
    > "and A TWO FUCKING MUSTS," - did you just google translate this?
    >o facebook to her cunts that also - cunt n-are sensul ala in engleza, try biatches
    >"would also like to thank Parascan," again, nu also


    Criticising people while doing nothing better or more productive is one of life's simpler treats

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    Răspunsuri
    1. >Kinkiness is correct.
      >Same shit, because it's about things, not persons.
      >There should be no second comma. Placing them differently in another wrong manner isn't gonna help.
      >No. That's a must. These are musts. Not sure how correct it is, but seen it used like this lots of times, fine with it.
      >Cunt does have that meaning in English. Lurk moar, bros always use it like this. [so what so what you boring little cunt -> obvious example]
      >What the fuck is that? What's the problem there? I seriously don't get it.

      Now be nice and go troll somewhere else.

      Ștergere
  2. Bai, adevarat, adevarat articolul. Cunosc prea multe tipe in genul descris de tine si chiar e trist sa vezi cum isi distrug viata asteptand ca personajele din "Twilight" sau alte filme comerciale si fucked up ca asta, sa vina in carne si oase la ele si vai doamne, dragoste la prima vedere. Dar cand vede cate unu pe strada,care arata bine.. primul criteriu, eu il iubesc pe X si Y din film. anyway, shit like this. Tumblr este de asemenea un punct de plecare al pasiunilor virtuale din zilele de astazi. Toti lesinatii schilozi cu decolteuri.. de parca asta trebuie sa vezi la un tip, decolteul.. si exact cum ai spus tu, cu freza facuta la cine stie ce saloane ca sa fie mai atractiv. Astea sunt persoanele care au o viata sociala online si cand ies din casa Forever Alone, pentru ca nu iti mai sta freza ca in poza, hainele "cul" sunt doar pentru tumblr si fanele tale nu te stiu decat din poze, nu o sa alerge dupa tine niciuna pe strada decat daca iti lipesti in frunte o poza cu tine pe care ofc ai postat'o pe Tumblr si are cele mai multe like'uri.
    Dar pana la urma, trebuie sa rada cineva si de frustratii/obsedatele astea si e incantator sa observ ca nu sunt singura.
    SI DA! eu am ras.:D

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    1. Myep, true. Si scuze, nu pot veni cu un reply lung, dar pot spune ca sunt de acord cu tot ce ai spus. :))

      Ștergere
  3. Si eu salivez uneori pe tumblr dar la postu asta am ras o gramada =))

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  4. Mi-ai redat zambetul in aceasta zi de primaiarna! <3 <3

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  5. You kind of raised my ego there..

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    Răspunsuri
    1. Really happy I did. We guys need some more self esteem.

      Ștergere
  6. "Genu' de chestie de obsedat pentru chestiile obsedate de la chestii obsedate."
    Cat de Marar este acest enunt.

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  7. Straight up with no sugar coating was good though, and true.

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  8. Zacusca de ciuperci merge cu painea neagra?

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    Răspunsuri
    1. Doar daca e calda. Daca e calda, o da mortal de bine. Mai bun ca orice. Daca nu e still decent, iti da o stare de padurar. Merge cu un vin rosu si ceva efort fizic inainte.

      Ștergere
  9. Love your rant on this! Very true! people act crazy over pictures to much! (though I'm always glad people put pictures of them selves on the internet!)

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  10. Vreau sa-mi deschid fabrica de servetele. Ce culoare sa fie?

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  11. LOL nice song! Followed!

    https://twitter.com/#!/MemeDoctor

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